After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
