We named our party play list daddy issues
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
