im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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