There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
