I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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