it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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