Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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