He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You can't special order awesome
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think I sprained my soul last night
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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