I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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