its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
thus making me awesome and them whores
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
