I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
