I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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