just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
