Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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