ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
