and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
