dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
