on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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