I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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