She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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