I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
