Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
