You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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