do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
