honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
