my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
