Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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