True but thats because hes a fetus.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
