I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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