Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This baby is an asshole
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
