It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
