Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
