you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
