I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
