Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
