Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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