I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
BRING THE BAGELS
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
