so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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