I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
