She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
