You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
