Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
