Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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