her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
