If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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