Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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