I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
my liver is dry heaving
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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