My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
