So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
