At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
