i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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