The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize