U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
