Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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