We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
