dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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