i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
ttyl tear gas
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
