Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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