If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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