I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
