Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize