It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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