I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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