And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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