i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
